badinlatin | Mal-Kaylee, pre-Crowley.

Kaylee's bent over the engine; the casing is open. She straightens up, and the hand holding the screwdriver falls away. "Fair shiny, captain. A couple more hours of work in here, and then I can move up to the bridge, make sure everything's recognizin' everything else."

"Good," Mal nods appraisingly.

A beat, then, "How's things goin'?"

Completely different tone.

It's a fair question, and a hard one to answer. On the one hand: Simon. On the other hand: Wash, and Shepherd Book.

Kaylee bends and sets the screwdriver in its place in her toolbox, and then reaches out to slide the casing shut. It's a way to burn up time.

"About as good as they can be, I guess." She gives him a smile. It's not bright, but it's there. "How about with you?"

"I," Mal gesticulates to himself with his free hand, "am doing horrible. I'm stuck with this piece o' crap cane that seems to only be good for gettin' in the way, and I'd give up all o' Wash's dinosaurs if it meant gettin' 'Nara to leave me alone about takin' meds or some such."

Gruffly sounded, but Mal looks to Kaylee with a half-smile anyway. It's easy to say what you mean broadly when the details are completely wrong.

It's an attempt to joke, and Kaylee knows it. This is why Mal is flashed a weak smile.

It's also why Kaylee doesn't say anything. It's not very funny.

Mal is actually aware that he's never been the funny one.

"Sorry."

Mal groans softly as he sits down on the steps leading into the room.

"Sorry don't cut it really, but it's all I got."

"Captain -- it'd probably be better -- it's easier to get up from sittin' on that crate than it is the steps -- "

Kaylee is dragging the crate away from the wall.

The sentence that starts in Mal's head is "I'll sit wherever I want." Shooting that down, the next one is "I'm already down here, so what's it matter?"

Both of those being voted off, Mal grunts again as he pushes off his cane to stand, moving toward the crate and plopping down again.

"Xie-xie."

"So does it pass inspection?"

Nearly everything in the engine room itself is done; it's just a matter of adding another coat of paint to the walls when she gets the chance -- and some paint.

It's been a long five weeks since they've been shut out of Milliways. Kaylee doesn't like feeling skittish around Mal. Or like she has to fight to keep conversation going.

Mal looks up at Kaylee standing next to him, probably with one of the more pained expressions she's seen him have.

"Of course it does, Kaylee. I didn't come down here for that."

Which is what she was afraid of.

If you don't talk about it, it means it didn't happen.

A long pause.

"You've been sleepin' all right?"

"Yes. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

Mal kind of just stares at the handrest of his cane for a moment, but then looks up to Kaylee again.

"Just before leavin' Miranda, I passed out in my bunk." No reason to mince words now, just as he's finally figuring out what he wants to say. "I fell into a...a memory that I hadn't thought on in a long time. Somethin' I'd forgotten, or pushed back, I don't know. I was a kid, and I lost someone I'd held to be, very important in my life.

"In a weird turn, I think that - my past, I mean - was what was tryin' to come up all this time. I spend so much time in my past, I lose track o' what's now, dong ma?"

She doesn't understand. Not really.

But she nods anyway.

No reason to stop now.

"I got so turned about, fogged up. Lilly Kane was in my dream. In the Dreaming, she saw what was happening and she went to go wake Inara to sto--help me.

"My dream - Dream - made me choose. Between my past and my present. I didn't want to, really; cling to somethin' for so long, you don't want to lose it, no matter how painful it is."

Mal coughs, echoing in the engine room. "I woke up, still kuángzhĕ de 'fore Inara came in. I pulled a gun on 'er; tried to get her to leave."

No more looking at Kaylee.

"It clicked in my brain that it was Inara, so I moved it back to myself. Was gonna do it too; to protect everyone. That's what I thought, anyway. But Inara didn't let me. She wouldn't let me leave her, or anyone else on the ship."

With a heavy breath, Mal finishes. "I should have picked up sooner that you weren't letting me leave either. That's why I'm sorry."

Complete silence.

Not even the engine is turning.

Finally, Kaylee drops to sit beside Mal.

A little tremulous: "For somebody so good at comin' up with genius plans, you sure can be dumb about people."

She wouldn't have phrased it quite that way if she weren't so scared. And mad. And relieved.

"I know. If I've learned anything, and I'd like to think I've learned, I learned that."

Mal leans his head over to lie against Kaylee's for a moment before making Kaylee look at him, unfortunately torquing his stomach a bit too much, but he doesn't move.

"I had to tell you all that 'cause I need you to know I'm not going anywhere now. Never. Never. You believe me about that?"

It would almost sound like an order if he wasn't looking at Kaylee like her answer was the most important thing in his life.

She wants to, badly. Very badly.

Even shakier: "Wash left."

And nobody was expecting that, either.

"I know, meimei. And I got no good reason for that." Mal exhales raggedly, then starts, "What I'm promisin' ya is just me. Me, here, not going anywhere willin'. It's all I've got."

"Good. Because all this is bad enough without -- without -- "

Her face twists.

"I was so scared."

With one arm, Mal pulls Kaylee closer to him.

"Oh god, Kaylee, so was I."

Kaylee's crying. She doesn't notice.

"They're dead, captain."

I'm a leaf on the wind.

Mal's not crying. He's already cried for Wash. And Book. And Haven.

"I know."

Absently a hand comes up to wipe at her face.

"Don't you ever scare us like that again. We're -- there are two of us gone, and -- "

A hitching sob. She leans her head against his shoulder and closes her eyes.

This is gonna hurt.

Mal pulls his knee inward so he can rotate his body, ending up so that Kaylee's in front of him, no longer resting against his shoulder so much as the hollow of where his shoulder and neck meet.

He's not aware of what he's saying. Only that it's the kind of thing you always say to someone who's like this, and has done the same for you.

The first time Kaylee came back in the engine room after it happened, it was like this -- except worse. Now everything's almost put back together, and now...Simon's much better. So is Mal.

Which is why it doesn't take quite as long for her to stop crying as it did last time.

Finally, soft: "Xiexie."

"That's what I'm here for." An awkward sort of smile.

With Mal still sitting so as to face Kaylee full-on, Mal almost looks...timid.

"I, uh...made nametags. For Wash's dinosaurs."

Which makes Kaylee's eyes well up again.

"He'd have liked that."

"I'd like to think so." Mal's eyes don't get misty so much as...out of focus. Just, away.

"He gave me a shirt like all o' his once. I might have to wear it now."

"...maybe not around Zoe. At least not for a while."

Kaylee falls silent.

Really silent.

Then:

"Can you keep a secret? 'Cause there's somethin' else..."

Mal's face gets a little more solemn. Please let this be a decent somethin' else.

"I've kept secrets most of my life, lil' one."

"This is one -- he don't know I'm tellin' you, but -- "

She can't say this and not smile.

"Simon asked me to marry him. And I said yes."

Okay, now Mal might cry.

But just for now, he's beaming at Kaylee.

"Meimei, that's...beyond fantastic. I'm so happy for you. Truly."

He's more sure of being ecstatic for Kaylee - Simon, too - than he is of anything, really.

"Xiexie." Kaylee's pretty much beaming herself. "But -- you can guess why we haven't told anybody yet. And...why we're probably not gonna, for a while."

Mal nods. "I'll keep quiet. So long as I can plot evil goings-on against Simon once the word finally gets out."

Mal does add something, though. "I wouldn't count Zoe out though. Don't misread - I think it's kind o' you both to hold off for a spell, but she's gonna be sad for awhile. She'll never get past this, and she really ain't meant to in my book. There'll be a point soon enough that this'll make her smile as wide as we're doin' now, even if it does make her sad later."

She nods. "Don't mean to keep it quiet forever...just...until maybe it gets easier. Till we're flyin' again, at the very least."

Pause.

There is eyeing.

"...what kind of evil goings-on would these be?"

Uh oh - there is Mal!smirk.

"Nothin'."

"It better be nothin'."

Uh-oh. Now there is glaring!

"No worries, little one. I won't do nothin' he wouldn't thank me for later."

Mal does mean it, he swears.

"I'm not so much with the believin' you, captain."

"I can live with that."

Kaylee just shakes her head, and leans in to kiss his cheek. "Just don't embarrass him. Or rough him up." Pause. "Or get him so drunk he passes out. Just so long as he don't pass out, though, I reckon that's okay."

Mal boggles at himself that he flushes when Kaylee kisses him, but moves on.

Mal responds smoothly. "Ain't my fault if he passes out, you know. Boy's gotta learn to take his liquor better."

With that, Mal tries to stand up from the crate, and promptly sits back down again. "S'pose it ain't time to get up yet," he grimaces.

"He takes it just fine around me. Which leads me to conclude that you're a bad influence."

She looks at him for a moment. "Suppose if I offer to help you're gonna say no?"

"I am not a bad influence," Mal returns, batting his eyelashes goofily.

He stops, though, when Kaylee speaks again. "I wouldn't say no," Mal answers, with eyes that betray a decent-sized share of weariness. The smile is still there though.

"All right, then." Smiling.

She stands and carefully settles an arm around his back, and holds out her other arm for him to brace himself on. "Whenever you're ready."

Mal moves to stand, but waits a second, looking to Kaylee with a smile on her face.
I can do this.
With a soft exhalation, Mal pushes upward with Kaylee's help.

"There you go." Kaylee steadies him. "You doin' all right?"

Mal puts the foot of his cane back to the ground, and rights himself.

"...Yeah. I am."

Mal-Kaylee, pre-Crowley.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject