Mal-Kaylee, pre-Mal-Wash.

[badinlatin]

Mal is sitting on the walkway grating that connects the two main stairwells at the front end of the cargo bay, legs dangling, an empty cup to one's side.

He looks...occupied, so don't spook him.

Comments

[gonna_live]

Ah, the pitter-patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots.

Looks like Mal's getting company whether he likes it or not.

[badinlatin]

Mal looks down at Kaylee coming up one set of stairs, fresh from...somewhere. Probably the engine room with Simon.

"I heard you comin' a mile away, Kaylee."

[gonna_live]

"Wasn't tryin' to sneak, so suppose it works out."

And now Kaylee is taller than Mal, as he's sitting down and she's standing up. Fear.

[badinlatin]

Mal does, a little. Sort of.

"You can sit, you know."

[gonna_live]

She does.

Quietly: "Wash is home."

[badinlatin]

Tomorrow. Please.

"I figured he'd be back on eventually, yes."

[gonna_live]

Kaylee clasps her hands in her lap.

"You know I'm glad you're okay now."

She's not looking at him.

[badinlatin]

A shaky exhalation.

"Yes."

[gonna_live]

Now she looks at him.

"You know what it was like doin' what I did to Serenity?"

[badinlatin]

"Probably just as gut-wrenching as me watchin' you tear up my only home."

[gonna_live]

"Then why?"

Her voice cracks on the last word.

[badinlatin]

Mal stares squarely at the control column for the cargo bay ramp. Far away from meeting Kaylee's imagined glare. Maybe this will keep his voice from cracking as well.

"There's...so many reasons, Kaylee. I don't know how to make sense of all of it."

[gonna_live]

"Because -- if it was just you not bein' okay, that's one thing."

She's not glaring at him. Just looking at him sidelong.

"But he said you said you'd do it again."

[badinlatin]

Still staring at the control console.

"Wash doesn't know about Dav--my dreams. No one does on the ship 'sides you 'n Inara."

[gonna_live]

"But you'd do it again."

It's a question.

[badinlatin]

"If I had to, to protect any one person on this ship, yes."

Mal gulps to stall time. "Why does everyone think that automatically translates into 'Mal wants to do this again'?"

[gonna_live]

That makes it different.

That makes it a lot different.

Kaylee relaxes.

"I didn't."

[badinlatin]

"Wash did."

That's when Mal's voice cracks. Vaguely.

[gonna_live]

"Wash ain't everybody." Gently. And with a hint of apology.

[badinlatin]

"I didn't get everybody killed. Almost, but not quite.

Just him."

[gonna_live]

Silence.

"What good is blamin' yourself gonna do?"

It's quietly asked.

[badinlatin]

A shake of the head, maybe to loose any urge to let out some sort of over-emotional response.

"'S the only thing left for me to do that don't require other folk to forgive me what I done."

[gonna_live]

"You think we wouldn't?"

[badinlatin]

"The only part I'm sure of is that I couldn't deal with you not."

Mal's hand has been fidgeting with the palmrest of his cane for some time.

[gonna_live]

For a moment she doesn't say anything.

"You're sellin' us awful short, captain."

[badinlatin]

"Didn't see it that way so much as myself bein' short, Kaylee." If this were any other person, there's no way that would have made the light of day.

[gonna_live]

"That's fèifèi de pìyăn. Just so you know."

[badinlatin]

A sharp snort of a reaction.

"Now all I need to do is figure out how to get straight again."

Mal doesn't specify with Wash, probably because he hasn't gotten himself straight yet.

[gonna_live]

Kaylee is swinging her feet. Just a little.

"Keep flyin'."

It's Mal's answer for everything else.

[badinlatin]

A small sigh. And in absolutely no form whatsoever does one leg sort of maybe match Kaylee's swing.

"'S all I wanted to do in the first place."

[gonna_live]

"Hard to do without other folks."

Kaylee's hand goes to Mal's cup. It's empty. She makes a face at it.

"We trust you. Ain't no reason in the 'verse why you can't do the same."

[badinlatin]

A pretty long stretch of time passes. Mal hasn't really looked straight at Kaylee much throughout this conversation, but he tries it now.

"I want Wash to stay."

The words sound sturdy enough, true enough, but coming out of Mal's mouth they seem almost out of place. But he means them, oh aye.

[gonna_live]

Kaylee's mouth opens, a little.

Then:

"...I didn't think that was ever somethin' under debate."

[badinlatin]

"A man can't work for someone he can't forgive."

[gonna_live]

Quietly: "Ain't been but a couple days, captain. And feeling awful makes it harder to be okay."

Cf. crying alone in the engine room.

[badinlatin]

More toying with his cane. He really doesn't like the thing.

"Not sure I know how to do this part, Kaylee."

[gonna_live]

"You're good at improvisin'. You know that."

Mal had to find something to believe in; Kaylee has never not believed in Mal.

"Just...maybe give it a little time, first. Let him get settled back in."

[badinlatin]

"I'll try."

It's the best Mal's got at the moment.

[gonna_live]

"It's gonna be fine, captain. You'll see." She leans in and kisses his cheek.

[badinlatin]

"I'll hold you to that, Kaylee."

Or alternatively, Mal will cling to that notion itself. It's gonna be fine.

He needs it to be.

Both legs swing over the edge.