"The only reason I'm even dignifying that queston with a response is because you gave me coffee," he says, lifting the cup a bit. "And the response you're getting? Is 'Zoe had another false contraction yesterday.' Make of that whatever you want."
It's really, really not, which explains the slightly pained expression Wash makes as he swallows.
It's something to keep him awake, though. He can always use that.
"Yes," he replies dryly. "I can see how talking to you'd be such a dangerous occupation. We should stamp you all over with warning labels. Hey -- " he brightens suddenly, "can I make them?"
"Oh, just the usual." He frames the air with one hand. "'Not to be worn, eaten, or exposed to sunlight. Pregnant woman should avoid prolonged contact. Do not jostle, poke, or insu -- ' wait a minute."
There is eyeing, with sudden, profound skepticism.
"You're letting me freely insult you. You're asking me to insult you. Why are you asking me to insult you?"
"They're shiny." He's still eyeing Mal. "Annie spoke a foreign, stable-related language for a few minutes that I think translates to, 'hey, come see the horses and bring Mal when you do,' Dad and Mom are planning some big elaborate dinner that should explain to everyone where I got my cooking talents from...."
"Shi a," says Wash, taking another sip of his own coffee. "I'm planning to use the time to observe both of you in your natural habitat. Maybe with my datapad set to 'record.'"
"Then the next cup will have to wait until I'm feeling less lazy," he says, and plunks his cup on the radar with a firm, decisive air.
This is followed by immediately leaning back in his chair and kicking both feet up onto the console, hands behind his head in the universal posture of 'I am a lazy bastard.'
He holds up a finger, not turning his attention away from the windscreen.
"I'm going to start raising a very tiny person in a couple weeks, I refuse to give up the last few, precious days of uninterrupted lazy that I'm gonna have for the next twenty years."
Wash raises a skeptical eyebrow, but says nothing. A screen to his left chirrups out an alert, and, absently, he punches in a sequence and readjusts the yoke.
Mal didn't make it halfway down the steps into the corridor before Wash spoke.
Staring at the step below him, Mal matches Wash's tone -- friendly, but probably more tired than exasperated -- "Things ain't goin' so well 'tween me and Kaylee, and I didn't tell Zoe a lot of things what happened with me leading up to Miranda. And I don't know how to say it to her now."
"Which you're not." Beat. "That much, but...the good kind of crazy. The crazy I kind of enjoy. And I told her that you damn well did have the right to do what you did -- not the right to take it out on her, but everything with Niska, yeah."
"Was she right, though?" Mal picks up momentum a bit, though he doesn't move back up from the steps. "Was she right to believe me so...incapable that I was an idiot to want to go against Niska and then I should be berated and beat down by her after? I do that enough to myself, Hoban."
"We all put Kaylee in a really bad position," he says carefully, at last, "when we went and took our nice shiny impromptu one-week vacation to the cells. She ain't ever supposed to be running this ship. And she got angry about it, which, okay," his mouth twists a little in sympathy, "yes, she's right to do that, but --
"But that's just my point, she's not right to say you can't go after him -- I mean, yeah, we shouldn't have, but that's in the same 'verse where we're all rich and prosperous and law-abiding -- just like you're not right to completely blow a circuit at her. Am I veering anywhere toward sense-making?"
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"The only reason I'm even dignifying that queston with a response is because you gave me coffee," he says, lifting the cup a bit. "And the response you're getting? Is 'Zoe had another false contraction yesterday.' Make of that whatever you want."
He takes a long slurp.
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"Zoe 'n I haven't...haven't talked too much, lately." Mal clears his throat, "Pregnancy and all. Tryin' to stay out o' harm's way."
Among other things.
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It's something to keep him awake, though. He can always use that.
"Yes," he replies dryly. "I can see how talking to you'd be such a dangerous occupation. We should stamp you all over with warning labels. Hey -- " he brightens suddenly, "can I make them?"
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"Sure. Go ahead. What would they say, exactly?"
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There is eyeing, with sudden, profound skepticism.
"You're letting me freely insult you. You're asking me to insult you. Why are you asking me to insult you?"
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"So! How's the folks?"
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The skepticism's melting away to a real grin.
"I think I saw gifts, too."
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"Wait...Annie said I could come by?"
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"And speakin' o' gifts...I have something to give to you and Zoe. But you might prefer me givin' it to Zo'."
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"Unless it's pink, frilly, or deadly, no."
Beat.
"Though if it's one of the first two, I wanna be there when you give it to her so I can see her face."
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"...think I just gave it away, maybe."
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He takes another sip of coffee, and ponders some more.
Then...he closes his eyes in long-suffering embarrassment, hangs his head, and says, "You knitted 'Jellybean' on there, didn't you."
(His tone isn't completely lacking in amusement, though.)
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"Zash -- I know, I know - but I *had* to."
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Wash loses all momentum.
"No, never mind, it's not any better."
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"Of course, I still win for most unimaginative alias given to a crew member."
No, Mal never forgot Matnomis.
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He finishes off his coffee.
Also mournfully.
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Mal stares at Wash's empty coffee mug.
"Apparently, so does my coffee."
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This is said in the ridiculously hopeful tones of one who's not really expecting the event to happen.
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"Then the next cup will have to wait until I'm feeling less lazy," he says, and plunks his cup on the radar with a firm, decisive air.
This is followed by immediately leaning back in his chair and kicking both feet up onto the console, hands behind his head in the universal posture of 'I am a lazy bastard.'
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"This lookin' to happen anytime soon?"
The cheap shots are always the most satisfying.
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He holds up a finger, not turning his attention away from the windscreen.
"I'm going to start raising a very tiny person in a couple weeks, I refuse to give up the last few, precious days of uninterrupted lazy that I'm gonna have for the next twenty years."
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"Peace and quiet is much with the good thing."
Mild fumbling with his coffee mug.
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His amiable smile fades a little when he catches the fumbling. Wash straightens up, taking his feet off of the console.
"You sure everything's shiny?" he asks.
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Mal's not about to change that now.
"Yeah," answered too quickly, but way too definitively for a lot of questioning. "Shiny."
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"I think I might go make a second cup."
Mal picks up both coffee mugs, and turns to leave.
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It's friendly enough.
It's also just the tiniest bit exasperated, but it's a well-hidden exasperation.
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Staring at the step below him, Mal matches Wash's tone -- friendly, but probably more tired than exasperated -- "Things ain't goin' so well 'tween me and Kaylee, and I didn't tell Zoe a lot of things what happened with me leading up to Miranda. And I don't know how to say it to her now."
"I'll stick to the coffee I think."
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"Did Kaylee tell you I talked to her?"
Uncertain, now, as he scratches his ear.
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He spreads his hands with a patently incredulous air.
"The hell, Mal?"
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"Wo dong, wo dong, I know, but...she said I didn't have any right to do what I did. I should've know better, I -- she thinks I'm crazy, Wash."
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"We all put Kaylee in a really bad position," he says carefully, at last, "when we went and took our nice shiny impromptu one-week vacation to the cells. She ain't ever supposed to be running this ship. And she got angry about it, which, okay," his mouth twists a little in sympathy, "yes, she's right to do that, but --
"But that's just my point, she's not right to say you can't go after him -- I mean, yeah, we shouldn't have, but that's in the same 'verse where we're all rich and prosperous and law-abiding -- just like you're not right to completely blow a circuit at her. Am I veering anywhere toward sense-making?"
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"To start with, talk to her again. Without throwing things. Or losing your temper. It's Kaylee, Mal, that shouldn't be too hard."
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Y'know, ever?
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"Has a little fact like that ever gotten in the way of me running my mouth at somebody? Just follow my fine example, Cap'n. You'll be fine."
If there's any preening, it's only for effect.
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"I'll try."
"...can I go get that other coffee now?"
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He swings his chair back around.